Yesterday morning, after a night of immense fun and debauchery with my best friends, I woke up feeling insecure. And the feeling of feeling less than seriously hit me hard enough to send me into a crazy spiral, crying, as I fell back down a hole I’ve been successfully crawling myself out of for the past two (2) months.
I went to my personal IG page and I briefly wrote about what I was feeling. Usually I’m not one to be afraid of putting my personal shit out there as it relates to my mental health. But, for some reason, I felt ashamed. Afraid. Embarrassed. I was so tempted to take it down but I didn’t because I knew to myself that this is all a part of it. I will be afraid sometimes. But I should never allow fear to stop me from doing what I feel as though I was placed on this Earth to do.
And now, this is why I’m writing this blog post.
I don’t know whether to blame society for making me believe that I had to have the best body or the prettiest face in order to be something in this life or to blame myself for believing that messed up shit. But let’s not play the blame game. Let’s learn and move forward.
Winston Churchill said something that resonated with me when I saw the quote not too long ago. And it goes like this:
“When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40, you stop caring what everyone thinks. When you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.”
I’m guilty of thinking about what others would say or think about me whenever I intended on embarking on any sort of venture that was going to place me in the public eye; be it a simple thing like starting to run on mornings or uploading my personal stories on WhatsApp for my contacts to watch. I’d keep overthinking myself to the point of exhaustion and admitting defeat as a result.
It’s pretty annoying when that constant nagging voice in your head literally prevents you from living.
But this coming year, I pray that that changes.
I pray that you see it within yourself that you are enough. I pray that we don’t wait until we’re 40 to stop caring about society’s standards and about the thoughts and feelings of others. No matter your appearance, your intelligence, your race and even your sex, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
You can do anything, and I mean goddamn ANYTHING, you put your mind to. You and I? We can do this. We can throw down these barriers that have kept us away from achieving our best. And I know… I know it’s going to be hard. But anything worth having, worth doing? Those things never come easily.
I rather live knowing that although I failed at something, I still tried, than having to live 50 years down the road riddled with regret for never trying in the first place.
So today, I pray for our peace of mind. Take deep breaths. Say a few positive self-affirmations (I have a board on Pinterest full with great self-affirmations). Put on your sexiest outfit. And get out there and do the thing.