These past couple months have been tough.
And even as I’m writing this blog post for you right now, it still is. I haven’t fully recovered from all the things I had the ‘unfortunate privilege’ to experience and being back here, on my blog with you all, has once again become one of the hardest things to do.
I’ve taken breaks before, and each time I’d always come here and promise that I won’t take a break again and I won’t allow anything to come between my blog, my goals and I. But things are so sudden. So unpredictable. And it sucks that I can’t really anticipate when these down times in my life are going to happen. So when they do happen, I’m ruthlessly knocked off my feet and I’m sent spiraling down a deep dark abyss; free-falling with no chance to break my fall.
During the time of my serious bout of writer’s block, I got terribly sick with a really bad flu and some chronic body pains that literally deemed me bed-ridden for about 2 weeks so writing was the very last thing on my mind.
And to make matters worse, my mental health was also affected.
My anxiety has been on an all-time high since then; being sick made me miss out a week and a half of work and I was literally too scared to even relay this information to my supervisors so I just stayed in bed, riddled with anxiety. When I finally recovered, the anxiety from having to deal with the stress of that job overpowered me. So much so, that I decided to leave my job that same week. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I am very susceptible to anxiety attacks when making huge life decisions so of course that week while making the decision of whether to leave or stay, I had three anxiety attacks (yeah I counted). That sent me in a really dark place where almost every morning I’d never want to get out of bed. My appetite deteriorated. I wanted to isolate myself so badly, from friends and family. And well of course, I wasn’t posting on my blog at all.
But wait! There’s more!
I also recently went through a really huge heartbreak that left me completely broken. I felt betrayed. I felt torn. I felt so inadequate during that period of time.
And I still do.
Everything is still affecting me. I’m gradually losing interest in the things that bring me the utmost joy in this life. I’m constantly worrying about so many things that I’m getting headaches ever so often. I’m losing that bubbly personality of mine and I’m just… Not me anymore.
I just needed to get this post out there for two reasons:
- Because I needed everyone to understand why I’ve been away for awhile. I mean, I did include guest posting on my blog but there was a reason for that.
- Because I needed to get my emotions and thoughts out of my head and somewhere where I feel most safe… And strangely enough, that’s on my blog.
This journey of mine has a lot gotten harder this year. I feel like surviving is near impossible. But I’m trying my best. I really am.
If you’re going through similar conditions, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. And that you’re stronger than you make yourself out to be. You can do this.
I have a lot of exciting plans for my blog. I hope you plan on sticking with me.