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Trauma's Wild.

Traumatic experiences can be scary.

Well yes, obviously. That’s expected. Nothing traumatizing can ever be considered rainbows and butterflies. And the weird and unfair thing about trauma is that literally ANYTHING can rub you in every single wrong way and it can scar you for life.

I’ve never really spoken to anyone in depth about the recent traumatic experiences I’ve had within the past three weeks. And although I’ve spoken to a few, I’m still in this place where I feel as though I’m holding a lot of things in. I think that could possibly be because I am yet to understand what triggered these immensely terrifying panic attacks and why the intensity of these attacks have impacted on me so heavily.

Have you ever experienced fear of the unknown?

That’s what I’m experiencing. I’m scared that there’s some underlying issue that has resurfaced its ugly head and I’ll have no idea what it is or how to eradicate it like the little pesky vermin it is.

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So now, I’m here. Riddled with fear. On my toes… Ready for any minor and/or major inconvenience to send me spiraling back into sleepless nights, spent crying my eyes out and wishing I were dead because the burden of my mental illness isn’t worth living through anymore, which usually followed me pinning cat-related pins on Pinterest or binge watching Bojack Horseman. Those two things calm me.

Trauma can come in any form. It can come shaped as abuse from a loved one. Having a near death experience. Being heartbroken in the worst of ways by someone you gave every aspect of your being to.

And sometimes a simple trigger can send us back into that dark abyss we’ve been spending years to climb out of.

Sigh. Trauma’s wild.

25 thoughts on “Trauma's Wild.

  1. However heartbreaking and painful it was to read these words my friend, I believe it was incredibly brave of you write them down. One we verbalize or get feelings out, they become more visible – and you have something a little more tangible to face and get through and beyond. It’s those silent things, tucked away, that cause the most fear. Good for you my warrior! Proud!

  2. You’re so brave for openly writing about this topic. It’s so important to say things out loud sometimes and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to rant (I do it all the time).

    Kate | cakeandcoast.com

  3. Traumatic impacts are the worse. What I’ve learned is you just have to get it out. Talk about it. Write about it. Keep expressing yourself. Even though you can’t undo the experience, in due time the affect it has on you will lessen.

  4. I agree. I commend your bravery and hope to one day experience the freedom that comes with sharing deeper things on my blog. I run a program for teenage girls that helps them identify triggers and begin to reprogram their brains to better deal with current situations that are not actually harmful. It’s so deep.

  5. Very raw and honest post. I have gone through some Trauma and struggle to deal with it when it comes crawling into my mind. I hope you are doing okay. Sending you a virtual hug. Take care

  6. Hello. I do not know you, but I just read your last few blog posts, and saw that you haven’t posted in over a month, and I was concerned for you. Are you well? Are you even okay? Do you need someone to talk to? Please tell your readers that you are alright.

  7. Thank you for opening up about something so deeply personal. Trauma is a tricky subject, and people don’t always understand how long and deep trauma can hold us. Your bravery is unmatched. I hope writing provides you with a sense of healing. I hope you know that you have provided that for me.

    1. Thank you so very much for reading. And it warms my heart to know that my words helped you in some way. ❤️❤️

  8. This was so beautifully written and I’m sending you all the love my little heart can give!

    Humans are so interesting, the human mind particularly and as myself have been getting over levels of trauma, I’ve been really finding it interesting how everything works! Maybe we’ll figure it out, maybe we won’t, but it’s just about getting through every day and reminding yourself of why we’re still here xx

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