“You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.” — Wanda from Bojack Horseman.
I think I need better glasses.
I’ve always had a problem with seeing the obvious warning signs that a person is not for my overall health, especially my mental health. It’s not that I didn’t see the signs, I just chose to ignore because I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve naively thought that everyone has a genuine heart like mine.
Ever tried painting yellow over black? No matter how much you try, you’re still going to see specks of black in between. But you’re still gonna try painting because in your head, this thing deserves to be yellow for some god forsaken reason. In your head, you have the perfect picture of this thing being yellow. But it was meant to be black. It’s still going to show you its black color to remind you that “Hey. I’m black. No matter how splashes of yellow you lay on me… I’m always going to be black under this.”
Yeah. That’s me.
I’ve gotten into the terrible practice of painting this perfect picture in my head of someone who’s obviously not good for me like some delusional Picasso. And I’ve been battling this for eons. EONS. I have no idea why I willingly choose to ignore the red flags… And thinking about it now hurts good a bit because I’ve allowed people to trample over me and use me to their own personal advantage.
Why didn’t I love myself enough to know what I deserve as a young Black woman?
This topic has been on my mind for weeks. And I think I’ve finally gotten to that place where I have acknowledged my mistakes and I’m now taking the preventative measures to ensure that I’m never treated less that I deserve again.
I hope you do the same.
Man or woman, you deserve so much more than shitty meaningless conversations, unreciprocated time and effort, passionless sex and more bad icky stuff.
You deserve so much more.
Realize this and move forward, gleaming with unapologetic self-love.
That was my Sunday Talk. See you next week.
ASSIGNMENT FOR THE WEEK:
Evaluate all the relationships you have. Do you feel drained? Do you find yourself always giving all of your time and effort and receiving nothing back? Has your conscious been telling you something’s up? If so, it may be time to end things.
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