Self-awareness is really a literal kick back into reality. And this post is all about that.
Today, on the 14th of July (damn is this year flying by or what?) 2018, I Antoria Lynch declare that I… I have unhealthy coping habits. Oh I can hear the sarcastic comments from all my friends now when they read this. Chill. This is a big deal for me. For majority of my life, I’ve lived with the constant correction of family, friends and random strangers that would watch me all “judgingly” while I danced in all my tipsy splendor. And I usually ignored them because in my head, I never saw these things as detrimental to me. I was just having fun… While destressing myself. I guess I also thought that I could easily give these habits up if I wanted to, in an attempt to dispel the beliefs of others that I had no control over these things.
But now when I honestly think about it, I guess they weren’t wrong.
I’ve dabbled in a lot of unhealthy things, things that I’m still too uncomfortable speaking about. But the main ones that I’m still in a vigorous fight with are the ones I wanna touch in this post.
I’m not an alcoholic. But I do love alcohol. (Okay that is autobiographical quote material, write that down and quote me.)
My relationship with alcohol started off like that one The Killers’ song. “It started off with a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…” (I miss my childhood). But anyway, it started off entirely sweet and innocent. I was being social with some friends about 3 years ago and what better way to give into peer pressure than to drink extremely dry white wine?! Since then, I was totally in love with the “high” I got from drinking and it just grew from there. Subtly at first… But then it got really bad when I first got so drunk (for no reason to be very honest) that not only did I fall BAM on the way to the car, but I ended up puking in said car and falling out of said car and puking on the sidewalk.
And there’s definitely more stories where that came from, but you get the idea.
I always believed that I could simply flip the switch from “I need some vodka to de-stress Rebecca” to “I’m just drinking this to be social like the people around me haha.” But that honestly wasn’t the case. With me, it became hard to differentiate the two and well here I am, currently battling with a inanimate liquid object thing.
But I’ve been kinda winning on most days. And I guess the reason in part is because I’m broke most of the time LOL (someone please hire me) (preferably someone who can offer me more pay). But nevertheless, I’m still learning. I’ve developed different ways to combat the feeling of giving in to my unhealthy coping habits that I’ll probably speak about in another blog post.
But I want to say this. Never be ashamed of finding ways to cope, even if they’re bad. You’re fighting against a serious force called mental illness; you’re making the conscious effort to do so and that should be merited. It’s not going to be perfect, but with the right therapy, medication and support, you’ll get there.