Being a creative is hard. And it’s hard for many reasons.
If it’s not getting good reception on something that you’ve spent countless nights working your ass on, it’s not having the creative motivation to write something. If it’s not feeling extremely anxious wondering about how you’re going to grow your craft when you literally only have $3.00 in your account, it’s constantly being on the verge of wanting to give up on your work and just move to some unknown land and rear goats.
If it’s not that, it’s all of those things at once.
When I started blogging, I didn’t expect any of the issues above. I thought my newfound blogging hobby was going to be simple; I’d write about what I love without worrying about likes or views etc. And it started that way. I was beyond happy whenever I posted because I wrote from my heart and I didn’t care if I got 20 views or 1… All I cared about was that I had finally found a healthy outlet for me to deal with my depression and I was grateful for it.
Hobby became job. And that’s when everything changed for me.
And when I mean job, I don’t necessarily mean that I was getting paid to write (what a dream). I mean that I felt the need to never miss days. To overwork myself, and to not let my readers down. I began applying unnecessary pressure to myself. And it began to stress me out.
What once was an escape for me, became something I wanted to escape from.
For the past few weeks, the thought of quitting my blog and moving on to something else penetrated my mind. I felt like I’ve been getting nowhere close to the goals I had set out for Finding Satori. Maybe I’m being impatient, maybe I’m not putting in as much work as I should. But regardless, it still sucks a lot.
Perhaps, I need to return to the child-like mentality I had when I first started blogging. Perhaps things need to go back to the way they were; where I didn’t care about views or likes, where I didn’t feel the need to constantly push out work to remain relevant in the eyes of others, where I did what I loved without feeling as though I wasn’t doing enough.
I’m going to take my time from now on. Go with the flow. Grow as I go along. I’m not going to allow social media and the ills of it to tell me how to run my own show. I’m also not going to allow my anxiety and ill-mannered thoughts to have their way. I’m in control of how this goes.
I’m going to post once a week every other week. Twice if I feel like. I’m going to venture into more fun things on my blog. I’m doing this for me. If you are moved, inspired or touched by what I say on my platform, thank you. I appreciate you being on this wild, unstable and life-changing ride with me.
Let’s, as creatives, continue doing things for ourselves.