It’s weird. You could be having a really great day… Chatting with friends, catching up, cracking jokes, eating good food and just overall having a really good day.
And then it just happens. Your heart sinks. Your chest starts feeling heavy. Your teeth are clenched. Your head begins to hurt. Tears are welding up in your eyes but you refuse to start crying. You force a smile when your friend comes up to talk to you. You allow them to do all the talking and you just nod with a smile or forcibly give them a short answer when necessary.
But on the inside? You’re progressively breaking down. All the life in you is being drained; you want out. You want to be home. You want to hide under your sheets and cry (or scream). You just want to be alone.
This happened to me today. As I write this, I’m currently doing the latter.
And while I was walking home, the only thought circulating its way around my head was that I’m a hypocrite for feeling this way. That I’m a hypocrite for portraying such a positive attitude on my blog about my mental illness when most times I feel like ending things.
These are the thoughts running through my head. And I know this is so random and you’re probably wondering why I even decided to write this.
I felt the need to.
Some days are worst than most. But I’m really trying. For my blog. For my progress. For you.
I hope you’re trying too.